Yo!
If you remember from my post called "When guests come over in a Bengali house", I said and I quote " I will do another post about attending a dawat if someone invites us so stay tuned!" . So, here I am making a follow up post about the same family but this time I am the guest. It is a hassle to be a guest and you will see why. This is what is involved in being a guest:
1. Getting Invited
It has been a while since they came to your house and they call your parents to chat and compliment how amazing it was to see the family and other shenanigans. Not only they call to compliment everything, but they invite you over to their house according to when they can manage it best. Usually it is agreed on a Saturday or Sunday, because obviously work and school.
2. Buying Gifts
It's hard to decide what to get when the lady of the house likes healthy food, has 2 kids and is a typical Bengali. Since she's healthy the choice is a variety of fruits,but that is not as formal. Since she has 2 kids, the choice could be chocolates, crisps and other junk food, but that will only benefit the kids and it is not healthy. Last choice is Indian sweets that almost everyone loves them, and a little bit doesn't harm anyone. So at the end we took Indian sweets and other family members took fruits and junk food.
3. Getting Ready
Not going to lie, it took me 1.5-2 hours to get ready and that was the quickest so far. There are so many things to keep in mind while getting ready when you are a girl. "Shall I wear a long suit or an abaya?" "Is eyeliner a bit too much?" "Urgh the scarf doesn't match the dress!". For guys, they wear a shirt and a pair of jeans and done! Maybe it's just me because my mum takes no more than half an hour.
4. Going To The House
It is a new place so someone (i.e. me in my family) needs to find the way in the GPS or google maps to get there. Not a big deal but when you're in the car, you need to pray that you don't say the wrong turn. If you do, start praying for your soul because the evil stares will start anytime soon... I feel like every time we go to a new house, my dad always drives around the same place 2-3 times because he can't find the door and obviously "my GPS" can't show exactly where the door is. At the end by the grace of the Lord you reach there and they welcome you (if you were back home, you'd be welcomed with flowers and garland or "phool ka mala"), you take your shoes off, get in, seat down, etc.
5. Food
You reach at a time when it is lunchtime or dinner so they will eventually serve the food. The more dishes there are, the longer they will take to serve because they have to heat it up all. Unspoken rule of thumb: Men and children under 15 eat first, then it's the rest of people left. As a sign of respect, a member of the host must seat with the guests otherwise "it doesn't look good". You already have an opinion that the food and their care won't be as good but you are wrong struggle to accept that. Kidding, they treat and serve you so well you can't complain. The dishes won't be like what you are used to eating everyday but it is not bad. "Washing plates". If you are Asian and or at least Bengali then you know that the host cannot allow the guest to wash the plates and as a guest you have to keep insisting to wash your own plate as respect.
6. Chatting
Once the eating and other thing associated with it is done, men will be in a group in a room (living room mostly), women will be in another group in another room (mostly a bedroom) and the kids and other people that do not fit into the men's or women's group in another room.
Now, I am in a stage where I don't fit with women yet because I'm almost 20 and they speak boring stuff and you don't care and they are "doctors of each other". So, naturally I have to be with the kids and I don't fit with them either. I am not lying, it was so awkward because the kids couldn't speak English properly just yet and Bengali was not that perfect either, so they were speaking in Italian among themselves. This leaves me and my brother clueless. The guy tried to ask some questions and so did I but the silence killed. What did I do? Catch up on social media duhh! Some of the kids want to be within themselves but one of the elder hosts will always try to integrate everyone. ¬ ¬
At the end we went to the park. This park:
7. Snacks
Normally you get snacks around the evening if you went for lunch. It is either very light or unlikely to get snacks when you go for dinner. You get sweets, fruits, snacks, tea, coffee, etc. Not much of a big deal. Kids get more stuff like chocolates or other junk fried food. Depending how full you are or what state you are in, you will try a little bit of everything. I tried a bit of the Indian sweets and a bit of mango because that is what I prefer after a heavy meal but in very small quantities just to change the taste buds. The snacking only happens if the host is bothered to serve anything else. Very few people in my experience will just get away by serving tea or coffee.
8. Goodbye
This is the most annoying part of the whole process. I am serious, I think I have my dad say "okay let's leave now" at least 3 times and have not moved until probably the last time. Before getting ready to leave, everyone, as in men, women and probably the kids, get together in the living room so everyone has met each other and known each other. They discuss about future meetings and tell the other guests to come over to our house and etc. Everyone says bye to each other before wearing the shoes and coats in addition to some new conversation topics. Again, everyone says bye while wearing them. And again everyone says bye to each other when standing outside the door and finally we leave! It is awkward.
Most of the stuff is awkward as a guest and finally it is over. P.S. afterwards we went to my aunts place to chill and watch the Champions League final.
I hope you liked the part 2 of the other post. Do you want to know what happens in second or third meetings? Let me know! Also, does this happen in your family as well or I'm alone in this? Let me know in the comments below!
1. Getting Invited
It has been a while since they came to your house and they call your parents to chat and compliment how amazing it was to see the family and other shenanigans. Not only they call to compliment everything, but they invite you over to their house according to when they can manage it best. Usually it is agreed on a Saturday or Sunday, because obviously work and school.
2. Buying Gifts
It's hard to decide what to get when the lady of the house likes healthy food, has 2 kids and is a typical Bengali. Since she's healthy the choice is a variety of fruits,but that is not as formal. Since she has 2 kids, the choice could be chocolates, crisps and other junk food, but that will only benefit the kids and it is not healthy. Last choice is Indian sweets that almost everyone loves them, and a little bit doesn't harm anyone. So at the end we took Indian sweets and other family members took fruits and junk food.
3. Getting Ready
Not going to lie, it took me 1.5-2 hours to get ready and that was the quickest so far. There are so many things to keep in mind while getting ready when you are a girl. "Shall I wear a long suit or an abaya?" "Is eyeliner a bit too much?" "Urgh the scarf doesn't match the dress!". For guys, they wear a shirt and a pair of jeans and done! Maybe it's just me because my mum takes no more than half an hour.
4. Going To The House
It is a new place so someone (i.e. me in my family) needs to find the way in the GPS or google maps to get there. Not a big deal but when you're in the car, you need to pray that you don't say the wrong turn. If you do, start praying for your soul because the evil stares will start anytime soon... I feel like every time we go to a new house, my dad always drives around the same place 2-3 times because he can't find the door and obviously "my GPS" can't show exactly where the door is. At the end by the grace of the Lord you reach there and they welcome you (if you were back home, you'd be welcomed with flowers and garland or "phool ka mala"), you take your shoes off, get in, seat down, etc.
5. Food
You reach at a time when it is lunchtime or dinner so they will eventually serve the food. The more dishes there are, the longer they will take to serve because they have to heat it up all. Unspoken rule of thumb: Men and children under 15 eat first, then it's the rest of people left. As a sign of respect, a member of the host must seat with the guests otherwise "it doesn't look good". You already have an opinion that the food and their care won't be as good but you are wrong struggle to accept that. Kidding, they treat and serve you so well you can't complain. The dishes won't be like what you are used to eating everyday but it is not bad. "Washing plates". If you are Asian and or at least Bengali then you know that the host cannot allow the guest to wash the plates and as a guest you have to keep insisting to wash your own plate as respect.
6. Chatting
Once the eating and other thing associated with it is done, men will be in a group in a room (living room mostly), women will be in another group in another room (mostly a bedroom) and the kids and other people that do not fit into the men's or women's group in another room.
Now, I am in a stage where I don't fit with women yet because I'm almost 20 and they speak boring stuff and you don't care and they are "doctors of each other". So, naturally I have to be with the kids and I don't fit with them either. I am not lying, it was so awkward because the kids couldn't speak English properly just yet and Bengali was not that perfect either, so they were speaking in Italian among themselves. This leaves me and my brother clueless. The guy tried to ask some questions and so did I but the silence killed. What did I do? Catch up on social media duhh! Some of the kids want to be within themselves but one of the elder hosts will always try to integrate everyone. ¬ ¬
At the end we went to the park. This park:
This is the Ilford War Memorial Gardens. It is really nice and calm, do visit it. It is near Newbury Park Station.
7. Snacks
Normally you get snacks around the evening if you went for lunch. It is either very light or unlikely to get snacks when you go for dinner. You get sweets, fruits, snacks, tea, coffee, etc. Not much of a big deal. Kids get more stuff like chocolates or other junk fried food. Depending how full you are or what state you are in, you will try a little bit of everything. I tried a bit of the Indian sweets and a bit of mango because that is what I prefer after a heavy meal but in very small quantities just to change the taste buds. The snacking only happens if the host is bothered to serve anything else. Very few people in my experience will just get away by serving tea or coffee.
8. Goodbye
This is the most annoying part of the whole process. I am serious, I think I have my dad say "okay let's leave now" at least 3 times and have not moved until probably the last time. Before getting ready to leave, everyone, as in men, women and probably the kids, get together in the living room so everyone has met each other and known each other. They discuss about future meetings and tell the other guests to come over to our house and etc. Everyone says bye to each other before wearing the shoes and coats in addition to some new conversation topics. Again, everyone says bye while wearing them. And again everyone says bye to each other when standing outside the door and finally we leave! It is awkward.
Most of the stuff is awkward as a guest and finally it is over. P.S. afterwards we went to my aunts place to chill and watch the Champions League final.
I hope you liked the part 2 of the other post. Do you want to know what happens in second or third meetings? Let me know! Also, does this happen in your family as well or I'm alone in this? Let me know in the comments below!
Take care
Yours, Nafiza
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