Hi
Anger... Hhmmm....
Something not everyone experiences it. Also something people don't accept that they deal with it. That is me. I admit I have a bit of anger issues but I have been denying it for a long time. From the moment I realised, I had to take action and make changes to get rid of my anger or at least reduce it.
These are some of the things I do to improve my anger issues and you can try too.
Talk less
Often times, an argument or the feeling of anger starts from a conversation i.e. talking. If you feel the conversation is not heading well, stay quiet. "A meaningful silence is better than meaningless words". If you know me as an individual, you will notice I don't always talk a lot. This is because I like to maintain peace with people just in case.
Step away
If it did not work out and you are angry, step away from the situation. As a Muslim I can advice to perform ablution (wudu) and pray; turn to Allah swt. Another thing that helps with the situation is reading the Qur'an.
Talk to yourself
Yes, talk to yourself. Evaluate the situation or self-reflection. Whose fault was it? Yours? Hers/his? Was it serious or childish? Should you have got angry? Was it reasonable for you or the other person to react like that? What exactly made you angry and why? Things like this. It is also very important to think from the other person's shoes. Sometimes you won't get the answer by yourself. If so, speak to someone close, friend, family, etc. Second opinions help a lot in these situations. Beware from the ones who might lead you to the wrong decision/path. This is up to you to decide from their words or actions.
Let it out
As stupid it may sound, trust me in this one. Let it out. Cry it out or if you have a pillow or a doll (strange but still) at home, let the anger out in the object by doing whatever you want rather than letting it out on someone who probably cares for you. You will hurt their feelings when they are innocent and just care for you. If you are like me (a loner), write it out in a journal or diary.
Communication
Sometimes their actions did not intent to hurt you or make you angry. Lack of communication or misunderstanding makes it worse. Let the person know you are angry at them and explain why. How did they hurt you? Explain it. As far as I believe in humanity, the person won't hurt you and would apologise. If you are quiet, the person will not realise you are angry at them. However, stay in limit. Just because they hurt you it doesn't mean you can hurt them back. That improves nothing, it just makes everything worse. Again they may have not intended to hurt you.
Apologise, forgive and forget
After all the evaluations, if it is your fault, apologise and move on. If it is the other person's fault, forgive them and forget about it. Mistakes happen to the best of us and it is stupid to holding a grudge of it. Think that it never happen. Who likes haters or enemies c'mon!
Relax and meditate
Get rid of all the bad thoughts and just chill! Do things you find relaxing or enjoy alone or with good company.
Avoid people
No! Don't avoid everyone. Avoid people or conversations that make you angry. Change the topic. Do it nicely, don't be rude. Try to act maturely in the future and see if previous experiences have helped you cope with such situations in a better way.
Learn from the experiences
You are never too old to learn new things. Learn from the experiences of you being angry and use them in the future or now to make be a better you. You are awesome (I know you are) but there is always room for improvement. Who said people are perfect? Your imperfections make you perfect.
Start to take things lightheartedly
I hope this helps you if you are encountering such issues currently or in the future. If you would like to speak to me further about this you can drop me an email: nafizasami@gmail.com . I will try to contact you with help as soon as possible.
Remember to check back every Wednesday and Saturday!
How do you deal with anger? Let me know in the comments!
Anger... Hhmmm....
These are some of the things I do to improve my anger issues and you can try too.
Talk less
Often times, an argument or the feeling of anger starts from a conversation i.e. talking. If you feel the conversation is not heading well, stay quiet. "A meaningful silence is better than meaningless words". If you know me as an individual, you will notice I don't always talk a lot. This is because I like to maintain peace with people just in case.
Step away
If it did not work out and you are angry, step away from the situation. As a Muslim I can advice to perform ablution (wudu) and pray; turn to Allah swt. Another thing that helps with the situation is reading the Qur'an.
Talk to yourself
Yes, talk to yourself. Evaluate the situation or self-reflection. Whose fault was it? Yours? Hers/his? Was it serious or childish? Should you have got angry? Was it reasonable for you or the other person to react like that? What exactly made you angry and why? Things like this. It is also very important to think from the other person's shoes. Sometimes you won't get the answer by yourself. If so, speak to someone close, friend, family, etc. Second opinions help a lot in these situations. Beware from the ones who might lead you to the wrong decision/path. This is up to you to decide from their words or actions.
Let it out
As stupid it may sound, trust me in this one. Let it out. Cry it out or if you have a pillow or a doll (strange but still) at home, let the anger out in the object by doing whatever you want rather than letting it out on someone who probably cares for you. You will hurt their feelings when they are innocent and just care for you. If you are like me (a loner), write it out in a journal or diary.
Communication
Sometimes their actions did not intent to hurt you or make you angry. Lack of communication or misunderstanding makes it worse. Let the person know you are angry at them and explain why. How did they hurt you? Explain it. As far as I believe in humanity, the person won't hurt you and would apologise. If you are quiet, the person will not realise you are angry at them. However, stay in limit. Just because they hurt you it doesn't mean you can hurt them back. That improves nothing, it just makes everything worse. Again they may have not intended to hurt you.
Apologise, forgive and forget
After all the evaluations, if it is your fault, apologise and move on. If it is the other person's fault, forgive them and forget about it. Mistakes happen to the best of us and it is stupid to holding a grudge of it. Think that it never happen. Who likes haters or enemies c'mon!
Relax and meditate
Get rid of all the bad thoughts and just chill! Do things you find relaxing or enjoy alone or with good company.
Avoid people
No! Don't avoid everyone. Avoid people or conversations that make you angry. Change the topic. Do it nicely, don't be rude. Try to act maturely in the future and see if previous experiences have helped you cope with such situations in a better way.
Learn from the experiences
You are never too old to learn new things. Learn from the experiences of you being angry and use them in the future or now to make be a better you. You are awesome (I know you are) but there is always room for improvement. Who said people are perfect? Your imperfections make you perfect.
Start to take things lightheartedly
I hope this helps you if you are encountering such issues currently or in the future. If you would like to speak to me further about this you can drop me an email: nafizasami@gmail.com . I will try to contact you with help as soon as possible.
Remember to check back every Wednesday and Saturday!
How do you deal with anger? Let me know in the comments!
Take care
Yours, Nafiza
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